UPDATE: "Close Call"

For those of you who were concerned about yesterday, it took an extra cup of coffee, but I eventually got the rest of the poo out in the afternoon and successfully unclogged my rectum. It came out in the form of one big Momma log, followed by one Deformed Brown Offspring log.

Don't worry though - after a basket of Applebee's riblets from last night and a crock of french onion soup, with this afternoon's KFC 3-piece crispy strips meal (w/ a biscuit and sides of macaroni and potato wedges, all dipped in a combination of ranch dressing and hot sauce) I should be back on the hopper in no time!

Check back soon for more exciting tales of excrement!